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We can learn to love again

There are times in our lives when we kind of loose direction and loose sight of what’s important. Or could it be that we get used to what we have or whom we have and we take everything for granted? Could be both.

We get trapped in the daily routines, dealing with this or that situation, paying bills, striving for a raise, taking kids to school, putting them to sleep. At the end of the day, we go to bed happy that the day ended, that we survived another day in our chaotic lives. Without thinking that we’ve actually lived another day of our lives. And that we’ve gone through it without caring for the most important person in our lives.

Then, another day begins and we get angry with our kids for who knows what little tricks they’ve done, we blame our spouse for our failures, we get angry again with our parents for always demanding something of us, we blame the boss for not appreciating us, as we deserve… And so we drain ourselves emotionally to the point when we become almost numb.

I’ve been there and it’s not a pleasant situation at all. It’s quite scary, actually. It took me a while to realize what was wrong in my picture.

You see, in this game of life, I had forgotten to love … I had forgotten to love MYSELF. And again it took me “another while” to learn how to actually do it.

No longer than few decades ago, the concept of self-care or self-nourishment was merely non-existent. Women who were believed to care for themselves were considered as feminists and they were not accepted by society. So, we’ve grown with this kind of shame that if we give ourselves care, love, time then we are not totally and unconditionally dedicated to our families, work, friends, country.

But, how can we give love to others if our own love tank is empty? How can we expect others to appreciate us for who we are and how can we ask to be loved if we ourselves do not do this?

You’d think that fulfilling the basic needs should be enough love to give yourself. Let me tell you, all the period I spent unloving myself; I most certainly did not starve. On the contrary, I fed myself chaotically till I became overweight. :)

Then, how do we show love and appreciation to our self?

Well, the first thing is to be more present in your life than in the lives of others. That means that, just as you pay attention to your kids when they demand it, you should pay attention to yourself. Listen to your body. It has a way of communicating what it needs. When you feel tired, rest; when you feel stressed, relax; when you’re hungry, eat.

Nutrition and sport are two of the managers of our mood. So, adopt a healthy nutrition style and do exercise every day.

Have moments of introspection with yourself. Ask yourself whether you’re happy with your life the way it is; what changes you’d make; what job you’d like; what are your passions; what’s the easiest thing you can do everyday to have a happier life.

Do something you like everyday, even if you start with only 10 minutes a day.

Once in a while, pamper yourself – send your family for a walk and have a bubble bath, or dance crazy, or go to a posh saloon for a rejuvenating body treatment. Extravaganzas are allowed every once in a while. :)

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Try to do something you’re proud of everyday (at work, or for your family or simply for strangers), so that when you go to bed at night, you’ll fall asleep smiling about what you’ve done.

And don’t forget to laugh. Never forget to laugh. You know, it’s a fact that you cannot have ugly thoughts while you smile? Try it. Get engaged in a serious smile and observe how your mind slowly starts to unwind.

You’ll notice that as you start paying more and more attention and care more about yourself, just as your self-esteem and self-confidence increases, so your attitude toward the rest of the persons in your life will improve.

You’ll grow happier kids. You’ll have happier families. You’ll lead healthier lives.

There’s this new song that Pink sings which I really love and which says: “We’re not broken just bent / And we can learn to love again”.

It’s true!

Posted by Roxana on Apr.17 2015

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PoZitivistas photos by Lia Nichifor